INTRODUCING THE INVISIBLE…

Recently was talking with two of my girls and got absolutely fed up with someone. We thought about it and decided to find the person, unfortunately this particular individual cannot be found or spoken to in person, so we decided to confront they publicly and we hope the message is received and understood.
You would notice that I wrote they and not them because this person cannot be classified as male or female, because we understand that they can be either or both or even more than one person at any point in time. I am talking about THE INVISIBLE THEY. Really since my girls and I cannot express our frustrations to They directly then we’ll just tell you about shim (a cross between she and him).
I personally think They has the sharpest and most flippant mouth in the world. Anh anh! They would say nice things about you and in a split second say the worst things about you. They said a certain lady was not married because she had lived a wayward life when she was younger and if you just wait a few days, shim would tell you that the lady actually got engaged but didn’t get married because the man died before they could. By next month, They would say the lady actually got married and was divorced because she kept aborting all her pregnancies.
Which brings me to the fact that They is as inconsistent as, well as power where I come from. They could like you now and hate you all at the same time. Very confused right?
They is never able to make up shim’s mind at any point in time. This turns out to be frustrating for those of us that end up hearing or having to listen to what They said.
And you won’t believe how powerful they is. They can be the person who decides whether or not you get to be the class president or whether you win the beauty pageant. Yes I know there are class mates and judges involved, but don’t we always say ‘They didn’t vote for me’ or ‘They didn’t think I was good enough to win’?
We, my girls and I, honestly believe that They above all, is a coward. You don’t agree with us? Then tell me why is They faceless? Why can shim never show shim-self in public or come and tell you stuff in person?
In the midst of all this, isn’t it funny that even though we know how unreliable They is, we still listen to and actually do what They says or said or will say? Imagine if my Mum came and said ‘They said you are not my daughter even though you look like me and I am sure I gave birth to you. I was there. But since They said it, then you are not my daughter’. How about if you came back from work and your wife throws a fit and when you finally find out why she’s upset you find out that ‘They said you lost your job’ even when you are a partner at the firm with controlling shares.
Like one of my girls would say ‘Ewo ewo’. This is just really ridiculous. Me I’m not listening to They again o. They is on shim’s own along with whoever is listening to and living by what They says.

NOT MY FAULT

I don’t mean to, but it’s my own trumpet and since I have it I might as well blow it. Do not even think it; I am not anywhere near proud. I just state the facts as it is.
I am always the standard. I have the perfect height, perfect figure and shape, and perfect complexion. Really I am serious if you are taller than I am, you are too tall, if you are shappier than I am; you are too shapey. Needless to say, I turn heads when I walk past.
O and my smile. Hmmm my smile makes it right with the world. You see my smile and everything you went through up until the point you saw me was just worth it. My smile is so beautiful and bright, even the sun is envious –no offense Sun, I still like you *wink*.
My eyes are just plain stunning, I find myself having to look down sometimes so I do not have to deal with too many suitors, but it has never really worked. They still come any way.
My lips are full, the perfect combination of black and pink. It’s weird I know, but I have it that way. O and they are naturally lined. I could go on and on about just my face, but in summary I’ll just say that every feature on my face is in the right size and perfect position. I am so pretty, I hardly need make up, but I am the makeup artist’s dream canvass.
I am on point from my hair, to the sole of my feet. If you are looking for, there is proof. Beyond how I look, there is just something about me that draws people to me. I’ll admit it is very frustrating sometimes because the magnetism does not discriminate but all the same that’s just my life. Anyways you just like me because I exist. You do not exactly have a choice in the matter. Even when you try to hate me, you fall harder than you thought, so don’t fight it. It is easier for all involved.
Let’s not forget, I am the perfect mix of classy and down-to-earth. I know how to act right and also how to get down. I’ve found it easy to be good with the guys and with the girls.
I know I sound arrogant, but o well it’s the truth. I won’t call me beautiful if I did not have an exceptionally wonderful personality. I am smart, both street and book. I work and play hard; just so you know, that’s the best way to live life. I have a big heart and I am extremely nice. This is why I would never take someone else’s boyfriend.
So I would really appreciate it if someone eplained this to Nancy. Honestly I do not like her but truly it is nothing personal, just one of those things you know at first sight. And I’m only human. Needless to say, I know the feeling is mutual, actually more intense on her part considering the recent happenings. But candidly I must tell you, it is refreshing to find someone who could openly dislike me.
I have nothing against Nancy, so I do not wish her bad. So please tell her top consider putting her man on a leash. I know she blames me for his recent infatuations, but it’s not my fault. I have enough male attention and I don’t need yours to feel special. Besides I can have anyone I want, when I want, and how I want. So I am asking nicely, Nancy please handle your man, for his own good. No offense but he can’t handle me and all my hotness. Girl to girl advice, if he won’t behave and can’t leave me, let’s teach him a lesson, I do not stop saying ‘No’ and you leave him.
However in the midst of it all, whatever you do, please remember, none of this is my fault. I am just blessed that way.

WHEN TEARS WON’T CHANGE A THING

I personally believe no body is too strong to cry, or too macho or too heartless. Crying has been a part of the human culture since forever, only that the reasons for these tears often vary from joy to sorrow. And there are the people in-between these two extreme reasons for tears. The criers; they cry just because they can. They cry when water runs out of an open tap, they cry Tom the cat is unable to catch and eat Jerry the mouse for the umpteenth time in the Tom & Jerry cartoon, they’ll even cry when they see how pretty my younger sister looks with her new hair.

There are times that when people cry it makes a world of difference. I mean certain people cry and then everything comes to a standstill until the river of tears stops flowing. When any baby, new born or a few months old; should open their cute little mouths to cry, then all units change direction to respond to them. The funny thing is you do not believe that mouths as tiny as that could actually produce that kind of earth shaking noise. The best part is that when they cry, it is because they feel uncomfortable about something or they do not like something, and somebody somewhere does something to change the situation. Your girlfriend cries because you offended her and you change or try to change your ways.

However, it doesn’t always work like that. I woke up this morning to extremely unattractive news. The lady we all call ‘Yeye’, left this world on the first night of the year. So I cried, and it didn’t work. She’s not coming back. I am her granddaughter, so my tears should make a difference to her. But she just decided to leave. That’s one thing I know and I hate that I have had to learn is true. Tears won’t always make a difference. They are an expression and nothing more.

So even though it cannot change anything, I’ll still cry. I’ll cry because the old lady that shows how I’ll look when I am a grandmother is no longer breathing. I’ll shed tears for the beautiful example she laid for me, she was good with business. I’ll weep because she left before it was time for me to do the one thing she asked of me. But most of all, I’ll cry because, a parent of mine won’t see her mother a live any more.

Rest in Peace Yeye, we’ll miss you.

Dedicated to my grandmother Mrs Odetoyinbo passed 2nd January, 2012 at 1:20am.