JUST SAY IT

I am sick, really very sick. And I am tired too. I am totally sick and tired of our habits and behaviours towards ourselves. How we take each other for granted and wait for special days or life altering events to say what our hearts have been screaming at the top of its lungs. Really, do we have to wait for Valentine’s Day before our mouths can catch up with our hearts?

I am done and I’m expelling me from that school. So today I am just going to say it. I felt very awful when my grandma died without being able to hear certain things I wanted to tell her or see the things I was hoping to do for her. So I am not waiting for father’s day, mother’s day, sister’s day, or any other day before I do this. Is there even a day for everything?

To my father, its not father’s day today (at least I don’t think so) so I am not saying happy father’s day. I just want to tell you that I am grateful that I have a Daddy that I can play with, laugh with and most importantly dance with (believe me my dad dances well, I am not playing).

And Mum, I love that I can call you many different names that mean the same thing. I love the fact that you and my Dad, your husband, treat each one of us like we were the only child, without letting us forget that we have three sisters.

My three sisters; The Lady, The Amazing and The Awesome. I love the fact that we all have totally different personalities but with the most mind-blowing synergy. I love the fact that in our own ways we are mature enough to make mum and dad the proudest parents to ever walk the earth, while we are still in touch with the child within that allows us just play and laugh a lot (for the laughter part).

I love that my family celebrates every little thing about our members. I do not mean parties o. There is just a way you are made to feel like a super star just because you were picked out to play the keyboard at your primary school end of year party.

To my friends, well I love all of you, and I’ll tell you what applies to you in person. I love that we laugh, and are crazy together. Believe me, if you are my friend, you are NOT normal, anyone crazier than you are should be in confinement. For those of you that I fight with, you add zest to my life, and those who hurt and re-hurt me; well I’ll say you bring drama to the mix.

To everyone I am saying we do not need to have a confessions day to say you love someone, or an anger day to tell someone you are pissed at them. However, if you want to make telling stuff an event, then “With the power vested in me by the words I write, I now pronounce every today ‘Just Say It’ Day”. So you must always say it. Just say it, what’s the worst that could happen?

MAGIC

Many people do not believe that magic exists, and I beg to differ. I think magic exists and we see it every day whether or not we notice or look for it. Those who know I am African would think about the black magic you all believe we practice on this side of the world. Well that’s your problem, believe what you want, besides it’s not my business and I choose not to attest to its existence or otherwise. 

My kind of magic is wholesome and somewhat normal; I think. It is different, not the type of magic that brings glittering sparks out of your fingers, freezes time and gives you the opportunity to set things right, or the type where you are able to read a person’s thoughts, or an individual’s actions or a specific turn of events, just because you feel like it.

I find magic every day or maybe at night, depends on when I search for it or when it chooses to appear. Funny thing is that it is always shimmering before your eyes, or whichever of your senses is active at that point. I hear magic in the sound of a child’s laughter. Believe me there is a reason people always want to make a child laugh. There is something totally enchanting about the melodious sound that bubbles up from deep within a child whether 6 months old or 12 years. For me it adds a splash of rainbow to my day. 

I taste magic in the smallest things. Some know I’m not really big on food, but there’s magic in certain little foods. My favourite chocolate packs so much power that I unconsciously release a very satisfied little sound as it melts and explodes with its flavour in the walls of my mouth. And my plantain is always magical enough to make me eat anything (almost), but it works for me. If you want to find magic in food, try eating when you skipped the last day’s meals. 

I always see magic in nature. It’s amazing the way the sky arranges itself in brilliant shades of blue. The way the canvas of the sunset is painted in hues and tints ranging from indescribable reds to undefinable oranges always always leave me speechless. I am totally amused by the way the trees sway seductively as they dance in the arms of the wind to a rhythm of sounds carried on the shoulders of the gentle breeze.

The most magical moment in my day is at night. I see, feel, smell, and bask in magic at night, when I seat on the roof (not hood) of my car, well maybe the hood; I can’t always reach the roof. Anyways that time at night when the moon is at its highest point. When the stars come out to decorate a crescent-mooned sky I am just plain happy with the world. And that night when the stars step back to allow the full moon bath the earth in its beautiful and gentle glow, with power gleaned from the sun, I fall in love all over again; in love with everything and everyone in my life. Then I am filled with peace and gratitude for the magic given to me in my world. 

You don’t need to be charmed to have magic; you just need to be human. Find your own magic. It may be in that gentle kiss you share with your significant other, or the hug that your little sister gives you every morning. Whatever your magic is, wherever you find it, hold on to it because it makes your life beautiful. 

P.S. You can tell me too, I’ll like to hear about it. Just leave a comment

FOR THE RECORD

Everything reminds me about you. I look out of the window of my apartment on the 17th floor and the calm of the sky reminds me of the way your smile calms me from within. I step onto the balcony and the laughter of the every happy person sounds nice. A beautiful reminder of how happy I was when you took the time to be with me, to make me laugh, and make me feel like just that one smile from me was all you needed to make it through to the very next hour and every one after that. The full moon brings back memories of nights spent on the hood of the car talking and staring at the stars, in our eyes.

Then the harder days come, the days when the raging sea beating against the shores during a storm is all too similar to the way my heart beat whenever you were near. The rain dark, cold and heavy keeps everyone in doors for the weekend and that just matches the way I felt every day since I left home. I had to leave, because you changed.

Or maybe you didn’t and I just wasn’t right about the feelings I read in your eyes. I thought I was, well very important to you. I used to be the first person you spoke to in the morning, the only person you ranted to when you were upset, the one and only person who could hug everything right. Then I don’t even know what happened. I guess the male species is more complicated than a little female like me can understand.

But the truth is the change hurt, but not as much as I did when I realised that I had fallen so much for you that I could not do anything about. I have met hot amazing guys that I would have hit it off with under normal circumstances, but they didn’t have any iota of appeal. Actually they were unattractive. Thanks to YOU. I didn’t leave home because I hate you, or because I can’t stand you. I left the country the only place I have ever called home, because I could not tell you that I love you. It made my days hard, and they are even harder now because nothing has changed, and FOR THE RECORD, I AM DEEPLY and INSANELY IN LOVE WITH YOU.