LETTER TO MY F.G.MUM

Dear Fairy-god mum,
Hi. Don't know who you are, or if you really truly exist. But I'm writing this in good faith. If u hear that I sent one of these to Santa, please don't be upset, it’s all because I've learnt in our not so very fairy-tale world not to put all my eggs in one basket.
I'm writing to you about the 'Prince Charming' issue. In our times we prefer to refer to him as Mr Right. I understand that each one of us girls have one of those, and for some reason, mine isn't here yet. So I got to thinking, I might as well let you know certain details about how I'd like him to be while I wait for his arrival.
You can't blame me cos I've seen the Mr Right's sent to some people I know, and no offence, but some of the other mothers could have been nicer to their god-daughters.
Anyway, who am I to judge, they are not mine, and I haven’t met mine yet.
So F.G.mum, while u are getting my Mr Right ready could you please do certain adjustments to his physique. I'm sure he'll be handsome, but I'll need to specify certain things again. I grew up a little, so my Mr Right and Mr Dream-Man are different. Please could you make him just tall enough? Not the scary tallness, but tall enough for me to still be shorter than him, even when I have my glass platforms on. Like I said, I trust that you'll send me someone handsome, but please I would prefer he not be pretty, need to be sure I'm the only lady.
Whatever happens, please send him to the gym to work out, as I would be devastated if he comes along with a pot-belly. In future I would not want my children to think men can also be pregnant.
I would be ecstatic if you could make sure that he attends and graduates from the Chartered Institute of Gentlemen. However, he should not take the Lady's Man101, or the Casanova121.
I heard that you and Mother Nature have come a long way as friends, business partners, and mothers. I would really appreciate if she got involved in preparing Mr Right. Please ask her to remove all snoring, sleep-talking and sleep-walking tendencies that he may have. She should please make him patient, and slow to anger. A shouter would make your favourite god-daughter cry, and I know how much you hate when it happens. A listening-talker would be just perfect, can't explain that in detail, but u know what I mean. Also make sure that he is not addicted to anything, not even the precious football (he can love it but not be addicted, please).
Please explain to Professor Experience how important Mr Right would be to me when I meet him. So prof should teach him like only he can, however I would resent any long lasting negative behaviours or views to life that may come as a result of Prof’s lectures.
I heard that Father Fortune and Father Time are still very good friends, and they tend to work together. Please tell Father Fortune to deal my Mr Right with the right and deserving cards. He should not forget that I'm part of the deal, so an acceptable percentage increase would be wonderful. Please also make sure that he has a job that he loves and treats him right. I would prefer it if he is not married to his job, I want to be his one and only wife.
Please show this part to Father Time.
Dear Father Time, I understand that you would never rush anything so you can maintain the balance of life. But could you just this once make it seem to me like you rushed a little. I promise never to be late again, ever, or to say that I lost track of time. O and when he comes please allow us have forever and not until midnight. It is really heart wrenching when one of us has to leave at the chime of the grandfather clock.
Back to you fairy-god mum, please make sure that my Mr Right/Charming has the most beautiful eyes, which light up every time I walk into the room. Though I would love him to be fashioned to and for me would not mind if you and your accomplices worked on me a little for his sake. He deserves that much.
I have to go now; it’s time for my daily trip to Dreamshire. Thanks a lot. I promise to keep believing and never worry.
P.S. Let me be able to recognise him, for my hygine's sake, I would not want to kiss any frogs.
O and don't forget, I love you too.
Love
Oyek-me