FOR THE RECORD

Everything reminds me about you. I look out of the window of my apartment on the 17th floor and the calm of the sky reminds me of the way your smile calms me from within. I step onto the balcony and the laughter of the every happy person sounds nice. A beautiful reminder of how happy I was when you took the time to be with me, to make me laugh, and make me feel like just that one smile from me was all you needed to make it through to the very next hour and every one after that. The full moon brings back memories of nights spent on the hood of the car talking and staring at the stars, in our eyes.

Then the harder days come, the days when the raging sea beating against the shores during a storm is all too similar to the way my heart beat whenever you were near. The rain dark, cold and heavy keeps everyone in doors for the weekend and that just matches the way I felt every day since I left home. I had to leave, because you changed.

Or maybe you didn’t and I just wasn’t right about the feelings I read in your eyes. I thought I was, well very important to you. I used to be the first person you spoke to in the morning, the only person you ranted to when you were upset, the one and only person who could hug everything right. Then I don’t even know what happened. I guess the male species is more complicated than a little female like me can understand.

But the truth is the change hurt, but not as much as I did when I realised that I had fallen so much for you that I could not do anything about. I have met hot amazing guys that I would have hit it off with under normal circumstances, but they didn’t have any iota of appeal. Actually they were unattractive. Thanks to YOU. I didn’t leave home because I hate you, or because I can’t stand you. I left the country the only place I have ever called home, because I could not tell you that I love you. It made my days hard, and they are even harder now because nothing has changed, and FOR THE RECORD, I AM DEEPLY and INSANELY IN LOVE WITH YOU.